voxetoile.internalbleeding

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animal nitrate in mind

i’m doing some research and looking up images of people jumping for my drawing (don’t ask) and i found this!

people are fucking insane, yet so hilarious. there is an actual event called rabbit jumping. i can’t believe they have this thing on a leash, this is just so wrong.

i found this image of the duke and dutchess of windsor jumping and i am going to include a jumping rabbit. i have to. it is the reason i am alive.

who knew rabbits were comedians?

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how to effectively kill ten minutes

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
always

Where were you last night?
the sculpture studio, at home

What is today’s date?
the 20th of november

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?
probably laura

When you’re at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
yes, it’s a million times faster

Anyone crushing on you?
yeah, and i don’t want any of that business. i’m sick of that particular brand of bullshit.

What is your relationship status?
single

Has anyone ever sang to you?
yeah

Has anyone ever given you roses?
yes

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
it would take about two weeks to get used to it, then i would be fine. the question is: would i want to survive?

Who do you text the most?:
it depends on the phase of the moon and the rising tide

How do you make your money?
giving smoothies

First person to text today?
dalia

What is your favorite color?
green

What color are your eyes?
green

What is a compliment you receive often?
“you are a very pleasant person” or “you are very smart” and a lot of compliments pertaining to the last question

How tall are you?:
5′4″ i think

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
let’s not go there, shall we?

Do you like your parents?
most of the time

Do you secretly like someone?:
eh. if i like someone, they know it.

Why did your last relationship end?
things got really fucked up and i was drinking too much, under way too much stress and i think we just pecked at each other until neither of us could take it anymore

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
my madre

Where is the furthest place you’ve traveled?
california

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
tough question. i really like sleeping.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
i don’t think i look too much like either of them, but i look at old photos of my mom and i look pretty similar

How long does it take you to shower?
ten minutes

Can you do splits?
i used to be able to, but i would probably tear something now

Are you flexible?
yes

Can you speak any other language than English?
french, but i definitely couldn’t hold much of a conversation

What is the last letter of your middle name?
e

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
9 and a half

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?:
always

Are you scared of flying?
no, i’m more afraid of crashing

What do you sleep in?
pajamas

Do you like funny people or serious people?
i like people who can be both

What are you listening to?
slumber party

What jewelry do you wear all the time?
my grandma’s ring, a jade bracelet, my nose ring, and a silver bracelet with hieroglyphs

What do you have planned for tonight?
drawing marathon

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
by two months

Do you prefer myspace or socialsplash?
what the fuck is socialsplash, damn kids

Do you have a favorite item of clothing?
that is constantly evolving

Do you like messages or comments better?
what?

Last movie you saw in theaters?
burn before reading

Last thing you ate?
spaghetti yesterday night

What was last thing you drank?
agua

Are you happy right now?
in a way

If you could have one thing right now what would it be
the fucking thai food that awaits me

Who makes you happiest right now?
my pals at school

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

Are you left handed?
no

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and i could bleed in sympathy with you

p.s. i couldn’t have said it better myself

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it just wasn’t like the old days anymore, no it wasn’t like those days

laura came into class and said, “james has something for you that he wanted me to give you.” it was a greeting card with two dogs staring at each other in two cars, and on the inside it says “sometimes you just know” and he wrote smooches hugs smooch, etc.. all over it. then on another piece of paper he had drawn this picture of a stairway, with a stick figure at the bottom and a stick figure at the top of the stairs with boobs and it said STAIRWAY TO YOUR LOVE. this dude is in fashion design and seriously in his early 50’s. he was telling laura that we should go have coffee and laura said, “you know james, she is HIGHLY intelligent.” he said, “uh oh, that means she is complicated!”

ugh.

my sculpture is coming along. c. wants the heart done by monday so we can make a rubber mold. schiesse. we are having thai food at the artists collective meeting tomorrow and i am PUMPED. something other than spaghetti to eat, horray! laura is writing about the shadow self for her theories of personality class and i’m letting her borrow my collection of c.g. jung books pertaining to the anima/animus. being the “brilliant c.j. jung scholar” according to M.S.R. - he is having a philosophy and poetry class in the winter and i want to take it so badly. “oh you need to take that class, you two can sit around and be geniuses together.” i think he is great and i really respect him, here’s a roundtable discussion he was in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bhxlq5-Ju_A

i snuck in to see that movie burn before reading yesterday night in birmingham. not to be recommended.

i have a lead on a job that is so fucking perfect, it’s almost unreal. it would be my ticket out of shittsville retail limbo, into a life where i could be proud of my job and i’d actually have money and not be fucking degraded and treated like a sweatshop robot. i would be running a gallery, putting the shows together and promoting them, etc and i could walk to work. i can’t fucking blow this one. please, please, please let me get what i want this time, ha.

oh, we had to write these reviews about our awful sculpture teacher from sweden, mr. cardboard, and i was pretty fucking honest. i looked around at everyone writing one or two sentences and thought, well, if they’re not going to speak their minds then i will. this is something that goes to the administration, i wrote that the experience was absolutely awful. it made me want to quit that school, but the only reason i didn’t was because i didn’t want to pay off my student loans. i wrote that he was very condescending, that he yelled at students taking a ten minute break and accused them of “demoralizing” the rest of the class. the idea of having a guest teacher wasn’t a bad one, but his concept of building a cardboard city for eight weeks was asinine. i paid over a thousand dollars to build a cardboard house, and i want a refund. i learned absolutely nothing about sculpture.

so that was the gist of it. erin told me the faculty was reading them in the office while she was sitting in there and g. was freaking out and saying, “oh my god. we have to apologize to these kids. that is not how you teach students. we need to have rigorous tests if we are going to have a guest teacher again. this is horrible.” erin thanked me for speaking up for everyone in the class, because everyone else chickened out and wrote bullshit beating around the bush, and she knew that i had written it.

we had to write yet another one today, and i added “his critiques made me want to off myself.”

i have this drawing to work on and i’m just too exhausted. it’s supposed to be a drawing of three people flying and i think i want it to look like they’re jumping off a building. a customer earlier was talking about my school and she said “oh you must not have class today because you’re here,” i said, no, i am going straight to school after this. she said “you never get a break there, it’s non-stop, morning, noon and night, you take your work home with you and it doesn’t end. your life is nothing but your art.” yep.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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go out on the street i wanna make some money

j: man, i’m really tense. i need a massage. do you have a boyfriend?
me: no, i don’t.
j: how about i come over and we just give each other massages?
me: sure, why not.
j: where do you live?
me: huntington woods.
j: oh! right by the animals on woodward. okay. i’ll follow you there.
l: well that was a quick transaction!

me: you know how i said my car smelled like windex? well i looked in my backseat today and i found the bottle of windex, the top was unscrewed so the whole thing had dumped out.
r: so you cleaned your backseat with windex?
me: yeah.
r: good, because i can see myself in it.

me: hey! i saw your print in the hallway, meat is murder! that’s fucking great.
m: yeah? i thought a lot of people would be pissed off.
me: are you vegetarian?
m: yeah.
me: that’s cool, i am vegan. what kind of reaction have you received to it?
m: people haven’t really said anything about it.
me: well i saw it and said FUCK YEAH!
l: hey, where did you get that armature wire?
m: i stole it from the other room. [pause] hey, it’s easier than being a prostitute.

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objective: to ingest the most fucked up chemical cocktail and still walk

i showed jason a typed list i found of medications that someone is on; amphetamines, opiates, anti-depressants, blood thinners… there were at least 20 drugs that this individual takes daily.

“this reads like a resume,” jason said.

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with that strew of wreckage forever at the heel of your boot

i dreamt that my sister-in-law lulu and my nephew diego came to my school. i told diego (who is four), “i’m having problems with my paintings.” he said, “try to find the truth of it.”

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good times

Music Shuffle Survey

- TO TAKE THIS SURVEY, SIMPLY PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER ON SHUFFLE -
- AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WITH THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT COMES ON -
[it’s better if you don’t cheat and don’t skip any songs.]
What is your name? Or what should your name be?: do you love me?
How is your life going?: handsome devil
What is your nickname?: tape hiss orchid
What is your theme song?: get up
What is your best friend’s theme song?: when you sleep
How is your life going to turn out?: i had a dream, joe
Will you get married?: always see your face
Will you have kids?: take warning
What will your job be?: the mercy seat
Did you/will you finish school?: calvary scars
Who is your best friend?: ping pong
Who is or will be your significant other?: rub til it bleeds
Who do you like?: distant sun
How will you die?: don’t put me on trial no more
How do you feel right now?: stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before
What is your favorite song?: still ill
How could you describe your parents?: we tigers
Your best friend[s]?: a perfect day, elise
Your teachers?: a means to an end
Your significant other [or crush…]?: born to run
Yourself?: first we take manhattan
What is your best feature?: gallery piece
What will you be / should you be, profession-wise?: nowhere fast
How could you describe this survey?: providence
What makes you angry?: burning down the house
What makes you sad?: in my lonely room
What makes you happy?: i can’t stand myself
What makes you dance?: is this love
What is your favorite color?: fall on me
How would you describe yourself?: underneath the stars
Who is your worst enemy?: hey bulldog
Who do you hate?: moonland
Who do you love?: rhiannon
Who do you lust after?: cities in dust
Finish the Sentece
I wish: what’s behind the mask
I want to: hook
I want to kill: everyday is halloween
I want to eat: wicked wisdom
My head: shoplifters of the world unite
I am: performance
My best feature is: white ink
My eyes are: running up that hill
My hair is: animal nitrate
My face is: the softest voice
You should: tame
Random
Words of advice: them bones
How do others see me?: astigmatic
How do I see myself?: symphony of treble

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your love is a fad and you’re a drag

i was so exhausted after work that i came home and slept for 3 hours. i dreamt that i went back to my old school and i had to draw something on the wall, so i kept scratching my initals into it over and over. this part felt very realistic where i decided to transfer to a school in chicago. i woke up and thought, “hey, that’s not a bad idea.”

you know what’s really cool? when you get a visit from “aunt flo” or whatever retarded nickname women call a very natural occurrence but are too afraid to talk about, and your work uniform requires wearing khaki pants. that just makes everything so much more thrilling, another added element of excitement to the work day.

my throat hurts from screaming into a microphone for hours yesterday night.

i might have problems sleeping tonight considering my nap earlier. i really like having the house to myself and the reason why: i can burn incense. i cannot explain what a huge hole in my existence is left by the absence of nag champa. i actually found some legit nag champa at that amazing dollar store in ferndale and i freaked out.

i love this band

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i must have done something right

holy fucking shit!!!!! i feel like i have waited my entire life to hear this song. i am totally serious. i cannot believe how awesome this is. i listened to this and 28 years of turmoil led up to this one brilliant moment of AMAZING SHIT! FUCK! i have found all of this incredible music today, it was like this floodgate opened up.

although it is tempting to be a hoarding asshole and hold out, i will share a few more discoveries